Shaking It Out

I'm a chronic over thinker - always have been, always will be. There are days when the world feels as thought it set against me. The weight of every single word I utter pressing down on me, crushing me into the floor beneath my feet. It's those days when I feel like I can never do enough, achieve enough, be enough. It's exhausting. But there's always a new day and I have plenty of them. That's what I try and remind myself. 

It's on days like these I re-watch old dances. I have a folder on my laptop labeled "High School Performances" and though the search history isn't frequent, I re-visit it on the bad days. My whole life I grew up a studio dancer. The difference between studio dance and dance team is night and day. Studio dance is usually ballet, lyrical and modern based. The performances are on stages with different costumes for each piece. Every dance has some sort of theme or story it tells. Studio dance is highly emotional. I have been in dances themed around a variety of topics - anxiety, a lost loved one, the feeling of growing up. These dances are cathartic. Dance team on the other hand is jazz, pom and hip hop based. The performances are on sport courts or fields and we wear the same uniform for each dance. It is more athletic feeling and ridged - its purpose is to entertain.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss studio dance. There's something special about walking onto a darkened stage, the audience holding their breath, waiting for the first chord of the music to sound as the theater lights come up. Studio dance is about telling a story and sparking emotion. And it helps you just as much it as you help it. Its shaking it out. 

The old dances make me smile. They give me a place to be when now is hard. 

Here's to sunnier days. 

 Till next time - IF